domingo, agosto 07, 2005

PEPE EL GALLO...

Un granjero va al pueblo se mete en el gallinero y Le dice al gallero: - Buenas tardes quisiera un buen gallo que me pise a todas mis gallinas. A lo que el gallero responde: - ¿Cuántas gallinas tiene? - 180, dice el granjero. Entonces el gallero saca una jaula con un gallo Francés, enorme, fibroso, la cresta parada, ojos azules y un tatuaje en el pecho de los Rolling Stones y le dice al granjero: - Tome este, es "Philipe Le Cock" no falla. El granjero se lo lleva y, a la mañana siguiente lo saca de la jaula y lo mete en el gallinero. El gallo sale corriendo, caza la primera gallina, le echa dos palos, sale agarra la segunda le echa el primero, y cuando le esta echando el segundo se queda frito. El granjero lo mira y dice: - Que pinche gallo que me vendieron, se echo a dos gallinas y ya no pudo. Entonces toma al gallo de la cresta y se lo lleva al gallero y le explica lo que paso. El gallero se disculpa y le saca un gallo Japonés Imponente con la cresta amarilla, ojos grises y zapatillas Nike y le dice al granjero: - Este es el "Nico Sumo", pruébelo y después me cuenta. El granjero se va y repite la maniobra, lo suelta en el gallinero, el gallo sale desesperado... se voltea a la primera gallina, agarra a la segunda y la empala, a la tercera le hace el 69 y cuando esta echándose a la cuarta revienta y cae muerto en medio del gallinero. El granjero enojado toma al gallo del buche, y se lo lleva al gallero y le dice: - ¡¡¡Este es el segundo gallo que me vendes y revienta!!! Entonces el gallero le saca un gallo mexicano, de mero Pochutla, sin plumas, ojeroso, jorobado y con zapatillas de hule de llanta y le dice al granjero: - Mire señor, es lo único que me queda, se llama Pepe... El granjero, enojado, se lo lleva pensando ¿Qué voy a hacer con este gallo zarrapastroso?... Llega, lo suelta en el gallinero, el gallo sale enajenado y se echa a las 180 gallinas, cada una con una posición distinta, luego pega una segunda vuelta y se las echa a todas otra vez, sale corriendo, se echa al perro pastor alemán y entonces el granjero lo toma del cuello le pega dos chingadazos y lo mete a la jaula. ¡¡¡Que fenómeno este gallo!!! piensa el granjero... Las gallinas estupefactas con Pepe; que Pepe esto... que Pepe coge bien rico... que si con tres al mismo tiempo... y a ti que te hizo... y a mi me hizo tal cosa... Un jolgorio total. Al día siguiente lo suelta de nuevo y sale el Pepe enajenado, le pega dos vueltas al gallinero dándole a todo lo que tenga plumas, sale corriendo y se tira al perro, al gato, dos vacas, el granjero lo persigue lo toma de la cresta, le pega dos catorrazos para calmarlo y lo mete en la jaula. ¡¡¡Pinche Gallo hijo de la chingada, si jodes a toda la granja hoy, te voy a matar!!!..., dice el granjero. Al día siguiente va a buscar al gallo y encuentra la jaula desarmada y sale echo la madre... hacia el gallinero y encuentra a todas las gallinas con las patas para arriba, afuera ve a las dos vacas echadas con la cola colorada hablando de Pepe, el perro que apenas podía con su alma, a los cerditos flotando en el lodo suspirando y el granjero dice: - ¡¡¡Noooo, se me escapo el gallo y se va a chingar al ganado del vecino y él me va a matar!!! Entonces agarra al caballo y sale en busca de Pepe. Cabalga y cabalga sin descanso siguiendo la pista dejada por Pepe... cabras abiertas de patas, chivos matraqueados, una tortuga que en el borlote la saco del caparazón, dos ardillas rengas, un borrego todo loco, un venado curado de hemorroides, una víbora usada de condón, hasta que de repente a varios kilómetros, ve a Pepe tirado en el piso inmóvil, mientras 2 buitres volaban a su alrededor en círculos... una escena DESGARRADORA!!!... Entonces el granjero ve a los buitres y se da cuenta de la situación y grita: - ¡¡¡Nooo, Pepe!!!... ¡¡¡se me muriooo Pepe!!!... ¡¡¡Al fin encuentro un gallo de verdaaaddd y se me muere!!!... En medio del lamento, Pepe cuidadosamente abre un ojo, mira al granjero y, señalando a los buitres, le dice: - ¡¡¡Sshhh... cállate cabron!!!.. ¡¡¡que me espantas a las morenitas!!!

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